Who's the best Christian?

Why, it's the Christian who best wields a broom of course!

Nothing says that you're really following the teachings of Christ better than being able to beat the living crap out of another group of people who say that they're following the teachings of Christ.

Then again, being agnostic I probably don't understand the moral aspects of this kind of behaviour, and I clearly have no idea about whether or not it's right to attack people with violence. Sure I'd say that it's not right but these people are religious and so have a much better grasp of these things than I do.

Happy whatever you want it to be!

Whatever it is that you’re up to I hope that it works out the way you want it to.

And actually that doesn’t just apply to today.

As long as it’s nothing scary like being a machete wielding nutjob… in which case I hope that what you’re planning doesn’t work out. It’s for the best, I promise, you’ll just have to trust me on that one.

HAPPY WHATEVER YOU WANT IT TO BE! 

This girl knows where it's at

Seriously.

My milkshake brings all the bots to the yard

Well, it's brought a second bot to, OK not my yard, but my barely active Twitter account, so... uh... my profile brings two spambots to the barely active Twitter account.

Anyhoo.

Now the first bot was all "let's fuck or something" but this bot is a bit more playful. I like that this bot's treating me with a bit more respect; it gives me a bit of faith in the spambots of the future. This bot has the statement "I'm 19 years old and I want to experiment with a lucky guy (YOU!). please follow me." which, upon reading it again, could actually be rather sinister.

No, I do not mean left-handed, no-one uses "sinister" in the latin sense any more so I really don't know why you brought that up. You are so difficult sometimes mental foil, you really are.

Great, now it's reminded me of that "we want overweight guys for a medical trial" targeted Facebook advert that I saw, and I don't really want to be experimented with thank you very much.

That's brought me right down has that.

I really wanted some cake

Sadly there was no cake in the house. Clearly I can't go out again, it's late, and then I'd have to see and interact with people, ew.

I chose to get over this setback by eating a third of a tub of Phish Food straight from said tub.

I can't help but think that I may not be in the best of moods.

I am beginning to think that I may actually be a dumped female lead in a romantic comedy. This is an odd development if true. Thankfully I did not eat the ice cream while wearing pyjamas so I think I may be OK.

I'm almost serious about this

I could quite happily turn this blog into something where I just post this clip every single day.

I don't think that I'd ever really regret that decision.

It bears repeating

I think that due to it being Saturday night and with me sitting here, spooning Phish Food into my mouth straight from the tub, that I should inform everyone that I am so friggin' rock 'n' roll.

Just in case anyone needed reminding.

Edgar Alien Poe

I've just thought that I'd probably like to do an animation where you take a picture of Edgar Allen Poe but then make his jaw drop down, kind of how Terry Gilliam used to do on Monty Python, and have the inner mouth of the Alien come out or something.

Sadly I know full well that by the time I even started to learn how to animate anything I'd have forgotten why I was doing it.

You'd think that if I was going to be this lazy all of the time that my brain would at least have the good grace to stop popping up with ideas that entertain me but that aren't any use without putting some effort in.

Shit brain, get it together, for real.

The Edgar Allen Poe Museum could be improved

I was just chatting with a friend on Skype and they told me that they were going to the Edgar Allen Poe Museum.

I have decided that I want to go to the Edgar Alien Poe Museum where an exhibit has a lead-in where you're convinced that there's a tell-tale heart and then BAM! It's John Hurt, something bursts out of his chest, and then it makes a break for it and the doors to the room your're in lock all around you and you hear sounds of something moving.

The Tell-Tale Xenomorph.

I'm too lazy to write anything about it. I just like the name Edgar Alien Poe.

Oh Twiterspambot! You're so smooth!

Now I'm pretty happy with what I generally see on gmail (well, since I changed it back from the new view, that's going to upset me all over again when they force me to switch) but this time I've seen something upon logging in that made me a bit sad.

It's not the immediate thing that makes me sad. The fact that a spambot has latched on to an account I use purely for following about three people and never update doesn't bother me at all. I actually find spam to be rather amusing. However this time I did actually go along to see what was going on. I mean, wouldn't you respond to something that said: "I'll probably get horny and want you to fuck me but lets see where we can take this.!! please follow me."? (I've removed the link that was at the end of that quote as I'm pretty sure it's not going to go anywhere good.)

As I say I wandered over to the profile to see what this spambot was about and, as predicted, there was a picture of a youngish lady smiling (I don't know but I'd guess that she's looking for a nice, maybe English, gentleman to connect with or something) and no tweets whatsoever but the main thing that I noticed was that while the bot was following 171 people (when I got the e-mail, I've just looked and it's now up to 765 a few minutes later) there was actually someone silly enough to follow back (still only that person following back at this time).

Then again, maybe I'm being unfair and this is someone who was entertained by the idea of having a spambot on their list to see what it would say, but having had a quick look at their profile and tweets I can't help but think that they actually responded in earnest.

Then again again, given the way that a lot of men approach women I suppose they may have just thought "finally, a woman who just gets to the point, I knew I was right!"

If for no other reason then my sanity I think I'm going to go with they just automatically follow anyone who follows them. Thoughtlessness is a lot less depressing than the alternatives.

Why do I even wonder about these things?

So we shouldn't be persuading young people to hate themselves?

In a more nuanced approach to photo-manipulation in magazines and the like a couple of computer scientists have produced a piece of software that measures, against a 1-5 scale, how much an image has been digitally altered so that a reader/viewer has an immediate reminder beat themselves up when they look at an image.

As the article says there have been moves in a few European countries to label any images that have been altered but I have to say that this seems a much better idea. Anything that can be used to help to minimise the levels of self-loathing that large amounts of advertising produces in people has got to be a good thing for people. A proposal that allows for a grading system means that it's a lot harder for image producers to say that it labels everything they do as wrong and it also makes it easier for people to remember to pay attention if it's not always the same label at the corner telling them the same thing.

As a male of the species I am obviously bombarded by this kind of garbage a lot less than females and it's true that one can say "but why do you let them make you feel like crap?" but environments are pervasive and they do shape people. It's got to be a good thing to try to create an environment that's less hostile to people being, well, people.

Having to fight is tiring so let's try to ensure that future generations don't have to fight against as much bullshit as we do.

Things are a little clearer

In my last post I was a little confused as to exactly what it was that was going on in relation to my reaction to those that own Reborn Dolls. I think that I am now a little less confused. Well, about this anyway, probably not about things in general.

I think I've managed to reconcile my liking of Lars And The Real Girl with all of this and I suppose it's really quite easy now that I wrote a bit of it out: I rooted for Lars in that film to get the fuck over it.

So yes, I'm at a place where I realise that they're not doing any harm, but I can't help but think "why don't you just get some cats like a normal weirdo?"

I also walked into a door-frame this morning.

Clearly I am smart.

And I thought that The Brothers Quay did creepy things with dolls

And they do of course. But, as creepy as the dolls utilised by the good brothers themselves undoubtedly are, they are not as creepy as Reborn dolls which are really very creepy indeed.

Well, I say that they're creepy but it's more that people actually keep them as babies. Now once again I'd like to make it clear that I don't want to tell these people how to live their lives. They're not actually doing anyone any harm by having these things around the house, cradling them, and spending time doting on them. It's just that it creeps me the fuck out.

I don't want it to. I want to be all groovy and accepting of this totally harmless activity but it just makes me a little uneasy.

I think that it's mostly because it makes me think of guys who have Real Dolls and that this could, at least in part, be a way for someone to have a doll family. They could have a real doll for a while, then add a reborn doll to the family, and then... oh I don't know... move on to torturing small animals or something. Sorry, that was wrong of me, I shouldn't have typed that.

I'm a bit worn down.

The world and its people are not there to make me comfortable. They are not there to make me fool good about myself nor are they there for me to judge.

Ryan Gosling was a guy I was rooting for in Lars And The Real Girl so I guess I can root for these people too.

Or just ignore them. I should probably do that.

It really is

And it would have zero negative impact on anyone else's life.

Found via those nice people at Gawker.

Is equality really all that complicated?

Gymboree think that if you're a girl you can be pretty like mommy and if you're a boy then you can be smart like daddy. Other options, however, do not seem to exist in the Gymboree world-view.

Is it not the job of a generation to ensure that the next generation is better equipped to deal with life than they are? Would the next generation not be better equipped to deal with life if they weren't surrounded, from infancy, by messages that tell them that, while mommy might be pretty, daddy's the smart one?

If we want to be superficial, and on some level the vast majority of us are superficial at least some of the time, then could Gymboree not have gone with pretty/handsome?

A lot of the things that we shouldn't be passing on, but we are, aren't actual behaviours but rather they are limitations. There is nothing inherently feminine about being caring, being compassionate, and having feelings; boys can do that too, they're just told that they're not supposed to because that's being like a girl. There is nothing inherently masculine about being determined, being smart, and being able to take charge; girls can do that too, they're just told that they're not supposed to because that's being like a boy.

The message that everyone will think that you, as a girl/boy, is a freak because you're acting like a boy/girl is dangerous garbage. It's dangerous because it's been so ingrained in society that people, people who generally find being judged along the same lines to be painful, will judge you.

This needs to stop but for it to stop we have to recognise the things that contribute to it. And to do that we need to call it out whenever we see it everywhere we see it.

We may not all have the confidence to tell the next generation that they can be whoever they want to be as long as they don't hurt anyone but at the very least could we not stop telling the next generation who they have to be? That would be good.

I have a bad habit

Technically I have several but I think we'll limit this to just mentioning one of them.

I have a habit of occasionally buying lottery tickets, putting them somewhere, and then forgetting all about them. I get told off by people now and again when I mention this as they seem to think that I could be one of the people who has a prize that doesn't get claimed.

This is entirely possible I suppose but I don't feel too bad about it as it's unlikely that those tickets have won anything (just because I occasionally buy lottery tickets does not mean I do not know exactly how unlikely it is that I'll ever win anything of note) and even if they have I can't know about it and the money goes to charities anyway. So maybe my lack of attention is making the world a better place.

Sometimes I think that I would be better placed using an ability to produce structured arguments might better serve me if I used it to actually get something done rather than producing arguments as to why doing nothing was actually a good idea but what the heck.

Anyhoo, the whole point of this post is that I checked some lottery tickets that I had lying around from the last few months and it turns out that I have a couple of winners in there, oh yeah.

What this means is that my partner and I are now sevenpoundsfiftypenceaires!

Living the dream over here. Living the dream.

I have just seen a news story where all of the last ten years of people being harassed, all the groping of passengers, and all of the warnings finally make sense and the TSA have shown exactly what they're... hahaha, kidding, old-fashioned intelligence work has just led to the arrest of some Iranians who were allegedly plotting to kill a Saudi official on US soil.

OK, so the video on here isn't working right now and won't let me embed this clip.

The clip is, however, amazing. Trust me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3OJOGxy21k

Being the grown-up

You know, one of the major upsides to being an adult is that there's now no-one to tell me that I can't have ice cream for dinner.

...

What? Oh right, yeah, the next bit's supposed to be about the downside to being an adult is that there's now no-one to tell me that I can't have ice cream for dinner.

Fuck that noise.

Woo! Ice cream for dinner! Woo!

Woo!

The best headline I've seen today

Drunk Swedish elk found in apple tree near Gothenburg

It is exactly what it says. The picture, that I shall not spoil, is wonderful.

Kitchen kitchen kitchen

Google has stopped showing me an advert connected to bed-wetting in my gmail. Thank you Google. Google has, however, shown me something that has really thrown me and my currently delicate sensibilities.

Yes, even more than Google suggesting that I need to check up on resources to do with bed-wetting. The reason for this is the advert for a website: http://www.kitchen-kitchen-kitchen.co.uk/

I find this troubling for a number of reasons:

1. It's as if this website isn't content with just telling me that they're to do with kitchens. It's like this website is following me around repeating the same stuff again and again to drill it in to my head. I feel like the website is going "hey you, yeah you, kitchen! Kitchen! Hey! Kitchen kitchen kitchen! Kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen! Hey you! Kitchen! Kitchen kitchen! Kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen! Hey! Kitchen! Kitchen." I am very much thinking that I get that they're about kitchens so please to be shutting up about the kitchens already.

2. This seems to be the internet equivalent of business directories, y'know, for calling people with 'phones an' stuff, with businesses calling themselves something like Aardvark Taxis so that they're at the top of the listing only instead of thinking that people won't make a decision based on how close to the start of the alphabet the business is but how many times they can use the word that's their main selling point. Which leads me to...

3. That this oneupmanship is based on earlier, less kitchen-y, websites.

So I went to look.

The first site I found, upon attempting to get to the first 'kitchen', was http://www.kitchens.co.uk/NewsListProductCats.asp so my initial theory was sound. It was sound but then I realised that if there are three kitchens, and there is one kitchen (or one kitchens but that really doesn't scan well), that there must be two kitchens.

And so it is: http://www.kitchenkitchen.co.uk/

Kitchen website oneupmanship.

I was tempted to register a website called: www.kitchen-kitchen-kitchen-kitchen.co.uk and just have the front page saying something about all those other kitchen guys being dicks. Then I realised that this would only be any use until someone went with www.kitchen-kitchen-kitchen-kitchen-kitchen.co.uk or www.kitchentothepowerofinfinity.co.uk or www.fuckyouwegotallthemotherfuckingkitchens.co.uk and it would come to naught. Then I realised that this wouldn't be the reason it would have come to naught. That would be because it would be really pointless.

Much like this I suppose.

How many people are buying kitchens anyway?

Also...

... is "algorithm" named after Al Gore? It is important to the internet after all.

What are you trying to tell me gmail?

Right now I am in gchat... uh... gchatting with a friend of mine... and I noticed the advert that gmail has decided to place above my e-mails. I would like to point out that none of my e-mails, nor any of the chat session in which I am engaged, have anything at all to do with the matter of the advert.

The advert in question says:

Bedwetting problems - www.drynites.co.uk - Everything you need to know about bedwetting and how to approach it

What are you trying to tell me gmail? That you think that I'm so pathetic a male that you feel the need to claim that I am a bedwetter? That you see bedwetting in my future? That you see caring for a bedwetter in my future? Why do you think that I need to approach bedwetting at all?

Ah, the mysteries of algorithmic Google. You inscrutable mathematical bastard.

I am too tired to think of anything to say right now so here is a cool video.

This is where I wish I could draw

Earlier this evening I was thinking about Batman (via a route that I won't go in to, but I was chatting with someone and telling them about an on-line comic that I saw where Wonder Woman had basically broken Bruce Wayne and he was having to go in to hiding because he couldn't stop her super-powered amorous advances and I guess I just went in to it, oh well) and thought about Batman being very much about the whole "MY PARENTS ARE DEEEAAAD" thing.

I couldn't help but think that Superman's entire species is wiped out and you don't catch him being all emo about it. He seems positively chipper. Then again, being what is in essence a God probably cheers him up a bit.

"MY ENTIRE SPECIES (if we forget about my cousin for a bit but I try not to think about her, y'know) IS DEEEAAA... wait, I can fire heat rays out of my eyes? Whoah, AWESOME!"

"MY ENTIRE SPECIES IS DEEEAAA... wait, I can fly? Whee! Holy crap this is so cool! WHEEEEEE!"

I suppose that this could be another reason why Batman's so grumpy all the time. Superman's all leaping-tall-buildings-with-a-single-bound, y'know, for the times when he doesn't just fly over them, while Batman takes his car. A very cool car but a car none the less.

"Hey Bruce, Bruce! Even Hawkman doesn't use a car. HAWKMAN! And you know how the Green Lantern gets around? Jewellery. Damn, get it together, Bruce."

Sadly Batman's insistence that he's cooler than Aquaman doesn't make him feel any less of a loser.

Yeah, I think that this is why Batman's so grumpy all the time.

This has probably been all over the internet but I have only just seen it so I'm posting it.

Bloody hell.

Oh dear

The Father of one of the boys recently attacked by a Polar bear in Norway thinks the Polar bear attack 'inconceivable' but, thanks to the internet, the main thing that this makes me think is of stills from The Princess Bride.

I'm actually slightly surprised that the first I saw of this was the BBC story rather than a meme.

I wonder if it should be Inigo Montoya or a Polar bear delivering the line.

I should probably go to bed.

Just now

Just now I decided to stop lazing around and get myself some food. I'd been lying around listening to music and reading things on the internet for a little while and had become very comfortable in my cocoon of duvet and simulated contact so I was genuinely shocked when I got up and the music stopped.

The sudden silence led me to a slight panic that there might be something wrong with my, up until then, apparently functional laptop.

It took me around five seconds to work out that the silence was because I'd just taken off my headphones.

I could do with a job that doesn't cause my brain to be a puddle by the weekend.

Question of the day

Elsewhere on-line I saw the question: If you could master any dance or gymnastics move, what would it be?

I can only think "a bloody miracle."

Tonight's dinner

Tonight's dinner consisted of some garlic bread (the baguette kind; thank you Marks & Spencer) and a pepperoni pizza which, of course, covers two of the main food groups:

Bread products

Things you can put on bread products.

Oh yeah, and I had a couple of beers too. So I guess that's three.

Go me.

Russians and alcohol

Now some of you, some of the six or so people who read my words, may think "couldn't you just put Russians?" to which I would reply "you're exactly the kind of person who'll like the link further down in this post" to which you might reply "what link?" and then I'd probably get all flustered and worry about how derailed this post was getting with conversation rather than actually getting to the point and... oh yeah, the post, right.

If one were to click on this link about the new classification of beer then I think that one might come to the conclusion that Russia has a drinking problem. Or several drinking problems.

Either way this is one of the reasons why I think that Russians are awesome.

Not the problems, not the early deaths due to vodka consumption, not the fact that in Russia beer has been being sold as a healthy alternative to spirits, no, not those things, not at all. The reason that this qualifies, for me, as a reason why Russians are awesome is that they have, until recently, taken the view, in law, that unless your drink contains more than 10% alcohol then you're not really drinking. That drink, that single figure of alcohol content drink, should not be classed as drinking because, you know, it's not real drinking.

I can't help but admire that attitude.

Legalise Marijuana

I don't have a huge amount to say on the legalisation of drugs front (well, I do, but I'm not in the mood right now so I'm just going to leave it alone at this moment in time) but I think that if this doesn't persuade people that that marijuana can do good things then there's something wrong with said people.

I speak of this: http://jezebel.com/5822013/neo-nazi-girl-group-cured-of-their-hate-with-marijuana

Marijuana is helping them with their stress, their physical pain, and their myriad medical conditions. And it doesn't seem to be hurting on the 'helping them not to spout racist bullshit' front as well.

Positive drug stories. They very much exist.

Grow one save a million

One might be forgiven for thinking that "grow one" could be a pair and that "save a million" could be orphans or something which you would save with your new-found confidence. I wouldn't forgive you because that idea is really stupid but others might. It's a moot point anyway so stop going on about it. Grow one save a million isn't about growing a pair although it is about manliness. Kind of.

Here is a link to an article: http://popwatch.ew.com/2011/06/01/nick-offerman-beard-world-environment-day/

Now I'm all about saving water, I really am, so I don't want anyone thinking that I'm all "hey everyone, let's waste a lot of water today and every day, that would be really cool" because I'm not but this campaign could really be called "turn off the friggin' tap you moron" and it would have a very similar end result if people followed it.

No, I do not mean that it would have the end result of more beards. And no, I do not mean that it would be similar to people growing beards. I'm really not sure that you're taking this seriously. The similar end result that it would have is that there would be less water used. I did a bit of knocking around on-line and the "average of five gallons" per shave is also stated elsewhere as between "three to ten gallons when you leave the tap running".

When. You. Leave. The. Tap. Running.

So yeah, don't leave the tap running when you don't need to, is that so hard?

That one person

That one person that I know that thinks that I should grow my hair out has noticed that I've not had my hair cut for a little while. It's kinda nice that I can still get a compliment, and that even if it's fewer people, there are still people who think that I look OK when I don't bother to get things done (and no, I did not head out today, on this Saturday, to get my hair cut, whatever) but it is a shame that she's wrong.

Apparently I look "punkier". This is entirely due to the fact that I have a double crown, a very strong one, and that the hair at the back of my head sticks out and up in various directions. My shadow, from some angles, looks like a silhouette of a koala with a mohawk.

I should probably get my damned hair cut.

I'll get around to it.

My hair is a mess

My hair is a mess because I did not get it cut. Really I should have gone for a haircut the weekend before last but I didn't. It wouldn't have been so bad if I'd gone for  a haircut last weekend but I didn't. This weekend is really when it was needed so, having left it too long, I made it out of the house to the barber's shop and it was closed. Advertising for staff but closed. I suppose I could have gone somewhere else but I'd left it rather late in the day so that wasn't really an option.

While the advertising for staff at my local barber's shop suggests a commitment to being open in the future this does not help how messy my hair looks at this moment in time.

"You could style it" you might say. "You could get it cut after work during the week" you might suggest. "No-one fucking cares" you might be thinking but I'm going to leave that one alone.

I suppose I'll just see how irritating it is that I have longer hair than usual.

It is almost as if not doing something when it needs doing and putting it off until (a little after) the last minute might not be the best course of action for achieving things.

If only there were some way for me to have known this or to learn from this experience for the future.

Hofstadter's Law

The Wikipedia page for Hofstadter's Law has, within the stated law, a link to the Wikipedia page for Hofstader's Law.


Nice touch.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hofstadter%27s_Law

I am easily amused.

We are allowed to hate the guy, right?

So Daniel Craig, the guy who gets to be James Bond (and not the rather disturbing, rape-y, 60s James Bond... I started watching Thunderball a little while ago but had to stop when the lady at the health farm said she could lose her job and JB agrees not to let that happen as long as she doesn't leave the room he's handily shutting them in but that's not the DC JB so I'm not going to hold that against him), has now also married Rachel Weitz.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-13918943

I think this does, in fact, mean that anyone who's genitals are pointed in the female direction is allowed to hate him.


Unless you don't think that Rachel Weitz is attractive. In which case there's something wrong with you.

Strippers: Lewd?

Now, I don't want anyone reading this to think that I'm a judgemental prick. Actually, I don't want anyone not reading this to think that I'm a judgemental prick either. Also, I've noticed that I have a habit of starting a sentence with one word then using a comma and writing an actual point that didn't really need that first word to work.


Anyhoo.


As I was saying: I don't want anyone, at all, to think that I'm a judgemental prick (editing? What are you talking abou... oh, oh right, nah) mostly because I'd rather that people thought that I was dashing, intelligent, witty, charming, good looking and generally wonderful (regardless of whether or not I actually am any of those things) but also because I do try to make allowances for people.


As such, I would like to point out that I am not, in any way, judging the people mentioned in the link piece to which I am about to link. I have no problem with the fact that some people become strippers. I have no particular urge to go and see a stripper or visit a strip club or do anything stripper-related but this in no way means that I think that strippers are bad people. Dealing cocaine, which some of the people in the piece to which I about to link (I am here using "about to" in the sense of "when I get around to it after all of this meandering rubbish") are alleged to have done, is something else, but I see it as no worse that it is a stripper selling the cocaine than it would be if anyone else were selling cocaine.


The point? Oh yes, that. OK.


The point is held here: http://www.thesmokinggun.com/file/25-florida-strippers-nabbed?page=9

Now there's some rather entertaining stuff about the Foo Fighters 2011 tour rider on the site as well but that's not really why I'm writing this so I shall return to the point. The point is, specifically, the charge with which the stripper on page nine is being charged: Lewdness. I may have missed something in the whole 'stripper' thing but isn't lewdness rather the point? Were I someone who wanted to be entertained by a stripper I think that I'd be pretty put out if the stripper wasn't at least a little bit lewd. I wouldn't have thought that a strip club was the sort of place that counted as public when thinking about public lewdness. I think it's perfectly reasonable for people to not want lewdness thrust in their faces while they're walking around but if you were of the opinion that, actually, you quite fancied having some lewdness thrust in your face, or groin, or general direction, then a strip club would be just the kind of place for it. Positively designed for it in fact.


Some of the other women have been charged with "exposure". I can only conclude that they're not being charged with causing frostbite and are, in fact, being charged as strippers who have exposed themselves.


Strippers who have exposed themselves. Whatever next?

I have seen a link to something on the internet

I am puzzled by the content.


The post in question is: http://celebmanmeat.blogspot.com/2009/05/matt-damon-you-were-bourne-to-be-hot.html

Now, you may be thinking "oh like women aren't objectified" and while you would be right, that doesn't make it OK, but it's actually not what's bothering me anyway, I'm OK with the tone, it's fine. You may be thinking "what the hell is this blog about anyway? Do you ever make any sense? Are you ever interesting?" which is a slightly trickier thing to deflect. Um... sorry. I'll try harder. OK, probably not, but we'll see.


Anyhoo.


There are a couple of things that bother me about the site in question. The first one is that there is a Breaking Dawn counter on the site. Really, if you want to ogle guys can't you just watch some porn or something? The writing's not really much worse and there's a lot more manflesh on show. Admittedly most porn is misogynistic bullshit but I'm sure there's something out there that can work.


The other thing about it is something that I find really strange and that is specific to the post in question rather than the site in general. This thing is specific to the measurement of just how hot Matt Damon is. It is summed up in this quote handily placed after this here colon: "We wanted to be that Franka Potente girl in the Bourne movies".


Now if this had been about just the first film then OK, I can get with that, fair enough. There is, however, a plural aspect to this and it's that that I find strange. Yes, it's the 'Franka Potente's character gets shot in the head in the second film' aspect. If we're continuing this with the third film as well then by the end of that one she's going to be pretty far advanced in the rotting stakes.


I really need to get out more.

Pandas: Overrated

Yes, that's right, Pandas. Giant Pandas to be specific but I'm just going to call them Pandas for the purposes of this meandering post.

I was, as is my wont, reading through various articles within the fun space that is http://hellogiggles.com/ and I read http://hellogiggles.com/things-i-like-enthusiasm and took a lot of it to heart. I'm not really what would be described as a positive person (unless the definition were to include the idea that I am positive that a lot of things piss me off as I'm rather grumpy) but I do realise that positive people are, well, a positive thing, and I am also aware that I should try to be a bit more cheery.

As such I am a little bit ashamed that one of the things said on there stuck with me and has made me think something rather negative. It's in one of the comments (a very nice comment it has to be said, the person is in all probability lovely and has excellent taste, I have only that comment to go on) and it is the following part: "Pandas, the world's most underrated bears."


Underrated? Pandas? Really?


I think that it would be hard for me to think of a more overrated bear (aside from the Care Bears but I am, as I said, rather grumpy) than a Panda. Have you ever seen a Panda try to do another Panda? Have you ever seen a Panda try to do anything? (I suppose I should point out that I am using a different type of "do" in that second part there. I am not talking about Pandas attempting to hump trees or anything. Although they'd probably be as rubbish at that as they are at everything else.)


Pandas eat bamboo. OK, that wouldn't be so bad but for the fact that their digestive system isn't built for bamboo, and bamboo has very little nutritional value. So even though Pandas spend most of their time sitting on their butts (cute and fuzzy butts but butts none the less) they have to do nothing but eat. Now Pandas are actually pretty darned good at manipulating things, they have to be, bamboo is a pain to manipulate, but that level of coordination is pretty much completely wasted on manipulating bamboo in to something other than furniture.


Pandas are built like omnivores but they're too stupid and lazy to wander over and eat carrion every so often. They're certainly not capable of hunting anything that is more manoeuvrable than something that is basically a large stick (and even then they have their problems with it; as a side note, have a look on-line for videos relating to "Panda vs stick" or some variation, the Panda nearly loses).


If a Panda were someone you knew you'd either cut them loose because you were sick of their laziness or you'd give them a stern talking to. "You want kids? Well then maybe you should try being horny for more than 2-3 days of the year." Or "you're tired all the time and you're always hungry? Well then maybe you should try doing some exercise and possibly eating something that's actually good for you." Or "you need how much room to get by? You don't even have any stuff." Really, do you know how much acreage a Panda needs to survive? Neither do I. But the article that I was reading just now (yes, I did a little research, but not enough for it to get in the way) certainly had some large numbers knocking around in the part where they talked about the amount of land that Pandas need. I know it takes a lot of land to support me but I have a lot of stuff and I am trying to reduce the amount of supporting I need.



Now I'm not suggesting that we should leave Pandas to die. That would be mean. Nor am I suggesting that I don't like Pandas. I kind of do. I cannot deny that they're cute and funny. But one thing that they are very definitely not is underrated.

The long and short of it is that Pandas, while cute and funny, are actually a bit rubbish and that I should really get out more.

Oh, and here's one of the place that I read a little bit from: http://www.wwf.org.uk/what_we_do/safeguarding_the_natural_world/wildlife/giant_panda/?pc=AGT004002 . They know Pandas.

July the 4th

I am English.

This is not, however, going to be me complaining about the US celebrating their Independence Day. Oh no, not I, not at all.

This does not mean that I am above mockery. I am very much not above mockery. Indeed, I am very much down with mockery. Were I a good deal cooler than I am then I would probably realise that saying "down with" isn't actually cool any more, nor is using the word "cool", but I digress. A lot. But that's not the point right now. The point, right now, is that I am quite happy mocking all and sundry.

Most years, when July the 4th rolls around, I am quite happy to post something on-line saying something along the lines of "letting off fireworks in celebration of not being in charge of people who'd ban the teaching of Evolution" or maybe "celebrating not having Rush Limbaugh or Glenn Beck be someone who's in any way connected to being in a colony of ours" or some such pithy, and let's face it, rubbish, joke. I am quite happy for the US citizens that it is my good fortune to know to tell me to go do one when I do this. It's OK, I deserve it, that's all fine and dandy. I am also quite happy for any and all US citizens to celebrate their independence. It is the kind of thing that nations celebrate.

Where things have become a bit strange is what I'm getting to. Where things have become a bit strange is that an e-mail was sent around where I work (by a manager no less) saying that there is going to be a celebration on July the 4th. Yes, you're thinking that you know that, but I was not clear and I don't feel like editing my previous sentence. We are going to be celebrating on July the 4th, in England, in the place where I work.

I find this to be a bit odd.

Upon seeing the notice in the break room I have seen that there will be a selection of US foods (hot dogs and brownies and, well, a lot of things that we eat too really) and that the people organising this would like people to dress up in an American theme. I wear a shirt/trousers combination to work. I am aware that a lot of Americans wear a shirt/trousers combination to work. But of course I'm an idiot! This isn't the idea at all! No, we're expected to wear things that are particularly American! So, as we're celebrating US independence you might think that we would be expected to dress up as, oh I don't know, George Washington or something. Maybe someone else notable (maybe JFK with head wound, heh heh heh, maybe not) like good ol' Ab' Lincoln. No, if you were thinking that then you too are an idiot, as of course we're supposed to dress as Elvis (Presley of course, not Costello, that wouldn't work at all) or something else pop culture related. Yes, not content with missing the point about it being a celebration, in essence, of kicking the asses of the vicious and greedy British Empire, they've also missed the point of it being a largely political celebration. Apparently we're just celebrating the US, its culture, and being blissfully patronising about it.

What bothers me isn't so much that the person organising our corner of Independence Day celebratory happenings is allowed to manage people, it isn't so much that they're allowed to vote and be active in society, it is that they are allowed at all.

This can't just be me can it? Surely people in the US would think that it was really stupid for people in Britain to be throwing a party on July the 4th.

I just do not get people.

Victory is mine!

Previously on Thinking Up Blog Names Is Hard:

http://thinkingupblognamesishard.blogspot.com/2011/03/self-service-check-out.html
http://thinkingupblognamesishard.blogspot.com/2011/03/self-service-check-out-part-ii-this.html

Well today I showed that self-service checkout a thing or two. OK, so I didn't actually show it anything major, but I did get it to swallow those two pence pieces that it gave me last time.

I not only managed to get rid of that loose change but also to get rid of the rest of the change in my pocket. Oh yeah. Suck on that self-service checkout. Howd'ya like them apples?

And I have just realised that I;ve been holding on to these coins since March.

It's a good job that I've no real ambition because this level of stubbornness could really cause problems with someone who was actually trying to do something.

Or it could contribute something really useful to society at large... but I think it's pretty certain that that's not the way that this would go.

Telephony is hard

In the course of my working day, what with me being a lowly office worker, I am obliged to answer the telephone at my side when it has the temerity to ring aloud. Given how softly spoken I am, and how unimpressed I am at interacting with the world, this can be a bit of a challenge.

Today, today I excelled myself, I really did.

We have, where I work, a script for when one answers the 'phone. This is fairly standard amongst companies and, like most companies, we do not have a complicated script. No having to remember an entire soliloquy for the workers at my place of employ, oh no, not for us. The script ends, after giving our respective names, with a friendly "how can I help you?" This is an excellent way to make someone feel welcome but it is something with which many of my colleagues have struggled.

A lot of people end with "how can I help?"

This is not a major problem in the grand scheme of things. It is, after all, still a friendly invocation of the matter in hand. But it is not what our employer wants us to say and, as they're paying us, at least in part, to say "you" at the end of the script, I feel it remiss of me to not do so. For the months since we obtained our new 'phone system I did not once fail to say "you" at the end of my script. I was, I think it safe to say, a bad "you"sayin' motherfucker. Until today.

Today while working on a spreadsheet and deleting certain selections from said spreadsheet I answered my 'phone but on this occasion I made the mistake of deleting something I didn't want to delete. this distracted me so much that I was too busy correcting the deletion (thank you 'undo' button) to get around to saying "you". This would not have been so bad had I not realised this mistake, started to say "you" a few seconds after it should have been said, realised that this was now a waste of time and instead settled for what I normally say in such situations.

"Oh, fuck."

This was not what I really wanted to say while I was on the 'phone as, while I must admit I have not checked, I believe that my employer would probably rather that I did not say "oh, fuck" to suppliers who are chasing payment of their invoices (or anyone else for that matter). I realised that I had said "oh, fuck" to a supplier who was chasing payment for their invoices, that this was a bad thing, and as this hit me I started to say "shit". I managed to stop myself at the "sh..." part but was still struggling to get a grip on proceedings. Visions of The Blues Brothers being beaten with a ruler for swearing, and this causing more swearing, did little to help me to focus.

Thankfully, due to my aforementioned softly spoken ways, the person at the other end of the 'phone was happily talking about wanting to speak to my colleague about her invoice so I think I got away with it.

I am not very good at this 'life' malarkey.

Pope beatified

I have chosen to read the stories concerning Pope John Paul II as being beatified to mean that he's been dug up and hit repeatedly by the current Pope.

I know that this is not true but what the heck. It makes about as much sense as a lot of other stuff the Catholic Church does.

I am such an ass

Yesterday in work it was a colleague’s birthday. A time for celebration? Well yes, but, more importantly, a time for sentences with lots of commas, but seriously, what’s the deal with this sentence?

Hoo boy.

Anyhoo, as I was saying, more importantly it’s a time for mockery!

As such I purchased a “Happy 40th Birthday” card for said colleague.

Mockery? Well, she did only turn 33…

Self service check-out Part II: This time it's personal

So in my last entry I mentioned that I was in a battle of wills with one of the self-service tills at the Sainsburys near my place of employ. Well today I got the chance to gain restitution! Oh yes indeedy!

My shopping at lunch time came to the princely sum of £4.60 so I took those five two-pence pieces and, in feeding them to the machine, got the price to £4.50, and then gave that bastard contraption a ten pound note. The machine told me to expect £5.50 in change.

The machine gave me a five pound note.

I awaited my fifty-pence piece.

The machine gave me two twenty-pence pieces.

My heart sank a little bit but I awaited a ten-pence piece.

The machine gave me five two-pence pieces.

Balls.

Upon looking at them 'twould appear that the machine gave me a different set of five two-pence pieces as these were shinier.

Somehow this has made it all the worse.

I will not back down.

Self-service check-out

Today, when I purchased some items, the self-service till at the supermarket near my place of employ decided to dick me around. Oh sure it did an impression of just doing what it's supposed to but on this occasion it was doing what it was supposed to do to dick me around.

Paranoid you say? Oh no, not me, and I think you'll agree in just a couple of moments.

At least on this issue.

Today, what I was purchasing at lunch-time came to the sum of £9.73 which is an amount that does nothing to let me carry as little small change as possible. However, I already had some small change and so, in a flash of numeric inspiration, I chose to use the three pennies I had in my pocket and then pay for the rest with a twenty pound note. I was really rather proud of myself at this point.

The machine took my proffered pennies. The machine took my proffered twenty pound note. The machine told me it would be depositing £10.30 in change to me. Oh yeah, fuck those copper coins, silver all the way!

The machine gave me a ten pound note. The machine gave me a twenty pence piece. The machine then paused for a fraction of a second and then spat out five two-pence pieces. Motherfucker. More small pieces of change than I had at the start and more volume than I would have had if I'd just given the machine my note.

I was unimpressed with the lack of a ten-pence piece.

And then... and then... and then... and then the bloody machine used its standard script and measured tone to say "thank you for using Sainsburys self service". I mean, sure, it was in exactly the same way that they always say this. But it was the way that it was exactly the same way that they always say this that told me to fuck right off.

It might as well have had a recording of the woman's voice saying "hahaha, thank you for using Sainsbury's self service, bitch" and it would have had less impact.

Fuck you Sainsbury's self-service. You think that I'm going to carry around that change around forever? You think someone else is going to get that off me? Oh no, not likely, you're getting those back. That's right, I'm locked in a battle of wills with an inanimate object. Handily, I think I'm more stubborn, so I intend to win. That till's gonna take that money and then victory is mine!

A sense of perswhatnow? Not seen one, no, why do you ask?

We've been in regular contact

If you were to follow this link here then you would see that there is a gentleman in Birmingham (the one in England by the way) that has been incorrectly visited by the Police numerous times by mistake.

Leaving aside the fact that one would hope that officers would be able to think "haven't we been here before?" by, oh, I don't know, the twentieth or so time they were calling at the wrong house I am struck by the fact that, in their defence, the Police have said that "Officers have been in regular contact with the occupier to apologise for the mistakes" which strikes me as an odd defence.

It's not so much that they're apologising that I find odd, I'm all for them apologising, it's more that the fact that they mention "in regular contact" as if it's part of the defence and not part of the problem. The fact that it's a regular occurrence is exactly what you're apologising for.

Oh well.

It's political correctness gone mad!

You mean that we don't put seventeen year old girls in an asylum if they have a baby out of wedlock these days? What is the World coming to?

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1364656/Missing-woman-reunited-family-60-years-disappearance.html

It's shit like this that really pisses me off when people talk about how much more moral everyone was a couple of generations ago and how everything's so much worse these days.

Walk in to work

Generally speaking I avoid people and keep myself to myself but occasionally I struggle to do so. One such situation is when people just throw litter on the ground. I know that there are bigger problems in the World, I have not completely lost a sense of perspective, but I also like walking around clean streets.

I find it particularly annoying when someone throws litter on the ground while they're walking by a bin.

'Twas just such an occasion on my way in to work on Friday.

Now, I have three basic approaches to this situation:

1. Just pick up the rubbish myself and place it in a bin.

B. Pick up the rubbish and place it in the bag that the person who has dropped it is carrying so they take it home with them.

iii. Telling people exactly what I think of them.

Obviously the third one of those is the least calm, mature, and sensible. Equally obviously it is also the most tempting for me a lot of the time.

Like on Friday when I was walking in to work.

However, as I was walking toward the person who'd dropped a few pieces of paper on the ground (and appeared to have more paper to throw on the ground) I noticed that he seemed to be a little glazed of eye. He also seemed to have a couple of tics. As I was getting still closer I had a very clear image pop in to my head.

I had a scene in my head where I was loudly remonstrating with someone who had dropped a few pieces of paper on the ground where it turned out that the person in question had learning difficulties, and was quite possibly taking medication for something else, who would not be able to process what was going on and would just end up a tearful wreck. I had a scene in my head where I was basically shouting at someone who didn't really know what they were doing and making it look like I just randomly walked up to people who have more difficulty navigating the World and give them an instant nervous breakdown.

'Twas rather hard not to think that I'd be seen as the bad guy in this situation.

By the time I'd processed all of this I'd walked a good bit farther down the street, completely failed to actually get the rubbish off the pavement, and carried on towards my place of work as I'd been walking on auto-pilot.

But at least I didn't make anyone cry.

In work today

One of the guys I work with was talking about how he didn't want to use the new(ish) Dyson hand-dryers when he first saw them because he "associated Dysons with sucking not blowing" and wasn't sure how this was going to work.

My reply of "so does that mean that you climbed up and straddled it?" did not go over as well as I might have liked.

Actually, this is not true at all, I like that look on people's faces.

Charlie Charlie Charlie

http://www.spearhead-entertainment.com/storage/charliesheen.swf


 Did I really just spend a couple of minutes switching between clicking on "I will love you violently" and "I will murder you violently"?*
Hey, does Charlie Sheen have tiger blood and Adonis DNA?*



*These questions may or may not have the same answer.

On-line ads

So I've been sitting here looking at on-line comics for a while and I noticed that the advert at the side of the screen was for smallstep.gov which is a website for trying to get people to be more healthy.

HOW DID THEY KNOW?

I guess targeted ads are getting a whole lot better.

Thursday

It's a Thursday.

Thursday: What an irritating day. Thursday's just sit there telling you that there's still another day left in the week.What the fuck is Thursday's problem?

I've had enough of the week. I'd like a drink. But drink on a Thursday and you've got Friday all up in your face all "dude, DUUUUDE, you're supposed to be in shape to play tonight, you're supposed to be getting shit done during the day" and then Friday just sits there looking all disappointed in you.

Fuck you, Thursday.

Fuck.

You.

Smoked cheese

The other day in work I mentioned that,  even though I know that it's not proper cheese and shouldn't be good, I really like the [Bavarian] processed cheese that gets smoked. The person I was talking to was then wondering if I bought Kraft Cheese Slices and a pack of papers and actually smoked them.

It's kind of amusing that someone would think that but slightly worrying that someone thinks that I'd be odd enough to actually smoke a cheese joint.

I think that I just came up with a joke

Sadly, I just took too long drawing this and now can't for the life of me remember what the fuck it was.

I'm just glad I realised that I'd forgotten the caption before I tried to draw the body. I'd have been really pissed off then.

eFax

I keep on seeing on-line adverts for something called eFax which, apparently, can be used "anywhere you have access to e-mail".

Now I may be missing the point, and quite possibly being really dense here, but wouldn't that just be no better than, well, e-mailing something to someone?

I just find it a bit odd that someone is asking me to pay them to allow me to send an "eFax" for those times when I can send an e-mail but get all nostalgic for a noisy machine that often obliterated a large portion of what was being sent through and as such decide to send something else.

Maybe eFax is the next step in technology what with faxes coming after postage.

Right, that must be it, e-mail moves on the eFax, which will move on to... um... e-e-mailing? I don't even know.

So yeah, eFaxes, I don't really understand.

Monday...

... and I have consumed a tasty meal as well as four glasses of wine.

The alcohol has gone straight to my head.

An excellent start to the week.

It's a long time until the weekend.

Brie

Having purchased some Marks & Spencer brie today (and some smoked processed cheese... so good even though it shouldn't be) to go with some fresh bread I decided to ignore the "mild and creamy" brie (seriously, what's the friggin' point? If you don't like brie because it actually tastes of something then just eat another cheese, a mild and creamy one if you must) I settled on a Brie de Meaux.

Upon bringing this home and showing my partner I, of course, pronounced this correctly. She, however, was under the mistaken impression that one does not pronounce "Meaux" as a cat might.

So I decided to check (not that I needed to) to see if I was right.

I checked with a cheese expert.

I asked said cheese expert how to pronounce "Meaux".

An answer was immediately forthcoming.

So there you have it.

Brie de 'miaow' it is then.

The cheese from our local independent shop tastes better. Oh well.

Mouldy cream cheese

It occurs to me that the correct response to not being able to pull ideas together in a coherent manner is not, as I thought last night, to draw some pictures (or fail to draw in the case of that last picture) in MSPaint to make up for the fact that a piercing headache had rendered me unable to write in a pseudo-horror style but rather to possibly not actually write anything at all.

But then again there's not much fun in me not giving people the opportunity to point and laugh at me.

More cack-handed attempts at writing something in the future! Fuck yeah!

Cream cheese can be scary

I was going to title this with "making cream cheese sandwiches is hard" but remembered that I'd said that I wasn't going to do entries in that format. Or maybe I just said that I wasn't only going to do that. OK, so I could have carried that off, probably. Still, it's gone now and there's nothing I can do about it. Aside from change it.

So anyway.

There is not currently a lot in the house as regards full meals. There are plenty of store-cupboard things (spices, tomato purée, herbs, you get the idea) but not anything that creates a full meal. And I've just thought of something that I could have made.

So now I feel stupid. This whole situation could have been avoided if I'd just made some... hang on... oh yeah, I couldn't be bothered actually cooking, never mind.

Earlier when I was hungry I could not think of anything to make as a meal. I've been away for a few days and I really couldn't be bothered thinking too much about what I was going to eat. I wanted something easy. Now I've had a couple of fruit smoothies so my day has not purely featured chocolate and crisps (or chips as the more American amongst you might say) although they have featured up to a point. So I decided to do what any self-respecting lazy bastard who needed food quicker than someone could deliver pizza would do: I decided to make a sandwich. Not much of a reveal given that first paragraph but what the hell.

I decided upon a cream cheese with garlic and herbs sandwich with tomato purée as the only preparation with this was spreading. Nice and easy (no, not like me, thank you very much... I'm not nice). This rested on the cream cheese with garlic and herbs still being edible. The use by date mentioned some time in February but it had been open for a few days so I knew I had to check what was what.

I pulled off the lid and had a look inside at the contents and what I saw inside, at first glance, please be greatly. Everything was wonderful. My cheese was still fighting fit and ready to help deliver some starch in to my stomach. I approved of this development. I got my bread all ready, got the tomato purée squirted out on to one of the slices, and then decided to have another look at the cheese.

Upon looking a second time I was appalled to discover that what I had considered to be a perfectly safe and tasty contribution to my sandwichy plans had, in fact, nothing upon its mind but my death!

I was betrayed by mine own foodstuff!







Now I had to act fast. This mould, this monster, had clearly decided that only one of us could survive and, weak from hunger as I was, I was not going to let it defeat me.

This monster looked like the demented ghost of Jim Henson had created a newer, deadlier, Muppet and unleashed it upon me. I was aware of his ghostly arm operating this thing, ready to attack at any moment, as he hid his intangible form within my kitchen cupboard.




Uh... yeah... so I had an idea as to what that looked like but things didn't work out so well in MSPaint.

Hoo boy.

The action I took was to re-seal the plastic tub and consign the evil within to a bin-based eternity. Yeah, that'll show you, y'mouldy fucker!

So I had survived the attack with merely the insult to a fondly remembered part of my childhood (sorry Jim) to show as a scar but I did not have a sandwich just two slices of bread with one of them with a large squirt of tomato purée on it (no, I did not consider just having a tomato purée sandwich, not for long anyway) and I was fading fast. Handily I still had a small amount of Double Gloucester cheese and, as I was taking this out of the fridge, I noticed that I had a jar of pesto hanging around.

I ended up enjoying the cheese, tomato purée, and pesto sandwich far more than I would have enjoyed my previous plan.

I guess the moral of the story is that sometimes what we see as monsters are really just things that we don't understand. They seem scary at the time but maybe they're actually steering us in the right direction. Or maybe I just don't clear out my fridge often enough.

It is just so difficult to say.

Steampunks?

Steampunks really grind my gears.

I am a pedant

Again, this is not exactly news. Not only is this not news to anyone who knows me I think that it's pretty obvious from what I've written up to now that I am a difficult so-and-so (fuck yeah keeping it clean... wait... shit, never mind, dammit).

Anyhoo

The point being that a lot of things irritate me. And what better to do with one's irritations than get a grip and move on like a grown-up write about them on these here intertubes? Exactly. One of the things that irritates me is incorrect usage of apostrophes. This is not specific to me of course, indeed there are probably sites dedicated to very little else, but this example is particularly bad. It is particularly bad because it mixes up with another bugbear of mine which is incorrect pluralisation.

"But isn't all incorrect usage of apostrophes to do with incorrect pluralisation?" Some of you might wonder. Oh you dear thing, this is a whole other level of getting it wrong; here, I'll show you:

I apologise for the poor quality of image but we only had a 'phone camera and the light wasn't very good. It does, however, communicate the horror that is there.

You see that? "Panini's". Terrifying is it not?

Now this takes in a bit of Italian. A panino is an Italian bread roll. This is pluralised to panini. So I might have a panino, you might have a panino, so we would have panini. So even on a basic level of trying to add an "s" to this the entry on this pub's menu is woefully incorrect. But then they add an apostrophe? It's like they don't even care. About anything. How can you trust someone who treats language like that? It makes me sick. Sure this might seem like the kind of thing that could just be ignored but what then? Am I to turn a blind eye to violence? To warfare? No, standards much be maintained or we're just bloody savages.

The other thing that the pub in question (actually a rather good pub in general, very nice beers and cider, so I don't want to name it) does with its (oh you thought I might trip up there did you? Oh no, not me, no siree) menu is something that has been bugging my partner for years. I'd never really noticed before she pointed it out to me but now it really pisses me off. Which is good because I clearly needed more things that piss me off.

Yeah, that.

Again, I apologise for the poor picture quality ('phone camera, bad light, yadda yadda yadda) but again I am certain that you can see why this would make someone's blood boil. That's right: Suggesting that a Caesar Salad is vegetarian. Now, the salad in question may well be vegetarian, but then it would hardly be a "classic" example now would it? Not unless anchovies have been reclassified recently and I just haven't realised.

Now this one is a bit more serious than the former example as it impacts on people. I myself am not vegetarian but that does not mean that I approve of telling people that something that contains fish is vegetarian. This mistake is really rather unfair on people.

Pedantry isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes details are important.

Bet you didn't expect a serious and valid point at the end of all this did you? I must admit that I didn't see it coming either. Go figure.